Every Family Has a Story to Tell- Learn How to Tell Yours

After I wrote my family story I had many people tell me they wish they could do the same. ANYONE can write their family story and I strongly encourage you to spend the time . There are no rules- it can be any length, any format, and you can share in any way you want. Here are some steps to break down a task that can seem overwhelming into manageable steps.


1) First, determine your "Why".

Why do you want to tell your family story? The "why" must be determined to guide you through the rest of the writing process. Some want to pass stories on to the next generation, others may have a story they believe the world should read, and some may want to establish a stronger connection with a family member .

Here are some ideas to get started: have a brainstorming session with other family members, look through old photo albums , read old cards/ letters, or watch old family movies.

A few questions to ask to find your story are : 1) If asked to describe your family , what would you say?  2) What are some of your most memorable family traditions? 3) What stories do you tell around the dinner table when you have a new guest? 4) What story does your family have that is almost hard to believe? 5) What makes your family unique? 

A memorist will start with events and then later in the writing process derive meaning from them. An exceptional memorist will derive meaning that resonates with their readers and not just the author.

2) Determine the Structure

Will you flash backward and forward from past to present? Take a look at books you've read recently for ideas. I decided to flash between current memories and past memories and also interweave my memories in between those of my family members. Each scene needs to move the story forward to keep the reader engaged.

3) Find Your Voice

For helping figure out both structure and voice, look at books you have recently read or authors you enjoy reading. Study their work .


4) Write!!

Barbara Kingsolver said " The only to become a writer is to sit down and write." Find pockets of time where you can. You may need to sacrifice other things like watching TV or spending time on social media.


5) Revise and Proofread

There are countless books on the writing process.  I recommend one for anyone wanting to write any type of nonficion: On Writing Well by William Zinsser.  He guides through how to find your voice, write about yourself,  interview subjects, inject humor and many other valuable lessons. To read more specifically about memoir writing I recommend Diana Raab's  "Writing for Bliss".

When revising make sure there is a reason for all of the detail included and that it serves to keep the reader engaged.


6) Solicit Feedback

Will your book be only for your family  or will you publish for all to read? If you will publish for all , make sure someone outsides your family proofreads for areas that do not make sense. It is hard to see these blind spots when you are telling your own story.


6) Publish

I used CreateSpace to publish my family story. It was easy to use and I was able to order beautiful copies to hand out to members of my family. Since the story was about my grandparents I wanted to make sure they had a copy to pick up and read whenever they wanted.

7) Celebrate!

When you are done with a story, no matter how many people read it, celebrate . You have done something few people do, stuck with a creative project until completion. Whether you self-publish or get published, you now get to call yourself a writer.


Isabel Allende said, " Write what should not be forgotten."   The world will benefit from you sharing your story. I grew closer to my family members while writing my story and was able to give my grandparents a priceless gift. Now, get writing. I can't wait to see what you all come up with!

Be Ready To Jet

Over the past year I’ve packed my Samsonite carry-on about 30 times; sometimes just for the weekend and recently for 10 days to travel internationally. Here are the tips I’ve learned that have made the process faster and easier. 

*If checking your bag , put a piece of paper with your name on top of your luggage before closing . Those cute bag tags can get ripped off ! Also, take a photo of your luggage . 

*Create a packing checklist in notes section of your phone of frequently-needed items. 

*Pre-pack toiletry items and always have them ready to go in a toiletry bag. There are always a million things to do before a trip and running to the store for travel-sized items doesn’t need to be one of them! 

*Buy a pill box to easily bring small supplies of  drugs you may need ,such as tums and ibuprofen. Label each of the boxes to avoid confusion. 

*Maximize space in your suitcase. Roll clothing and put shoes in shower caps (instead of bulky bags). Put socks inside shoes.

*If you won’t have access to a washing machine bring a tide pod ( sign up for a sample or look in the travel section of that so you can get one sealed ) . Fill a sink , break it open and wash ! 

*Weigh your bag before you go to avoid suprise fees at the counter. If you don’t have a suitcase scale , step on a bathroom scale , note the weight , then step on with bag and check weight again .Ta-da : you have the weight of your suitcase. 

*Carry on a (fully charged) portable charger in your carry-on. Don’t  count on finding a working outlet to plug in your charger. 

*Clip items together when possible - small carabiners can help hold bags together to decrease the chance of leaving any behind. 

*Have all confirmation codes printed and handy for flights, hotels , cars etc. so you are not struggling with your phone when they are needed . 

*Dress in layers on the airplane so you can stay comfortable. If you forget your gum , swallowing also helps. Gently swallow or drink water /eat a snack during takeoff and landing to prevent your ears from popping. 

Traveling can be stressful but being prepared and organized can give peace of mind . Tell me in the comments : what travel tips did I miss that you swear by ? 

Online Shopping : Wins And Losses

I’ve been online shopping a little more than I’d like to admit lately. Late at night , I lay in bed waiting for my meltanonin to kick in and make me sleepy. My screen glows as I scroll on Facebook and Instagram. My eye gets caught by products that seem too good to be true. Here are a few of the products that were worth the money , and some that were not.

(I have provided the links to purchase but receive NO compensation or free products if you decide to buy. )

Lashliner 

As a big fan of eyelash extensions , I was looking for another way to achieve the same look without the cost , dealing with lashes falling out unevenly, sitting on the bed for an hour at a time twice a month , and not being able to get my eyes wet for 24 hours each time.  I tried magnetic lashes and could not get them to stay after many attempts. I saw an ad that showed women putting on a “magnetic eyeliner “ and then popping on magnetic eyelashes. I read the comments and saw endless positive comments . Even though convinced I just wasted $40 , I was pleasantly surprised when it actually worked ! 

You can buy the liner with lashes or separately and use cheaper magnetic lashes like Ardell. You can also use the liner on top of your favorite liner for a cleaner look as it is a bit sticky and not as smooth as I would like. This video was very helpful to watch before using : https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cfu3zEcNouA

https://www.lashliner.com/

Halo Vitamins 

I used halo vitamins for 30 days alternating Hair Skin and Nails and Kiwi Seed ( some of the ingredients overlap so you cannot take them the same day ). While I noticed no difference in my hair or nails , I went the first weekend since I can remember without needing foundation. Usually no matter where I go I at least need some concealer to cover breakouts. The saw palmetto is supposed to balance hormones and I believe it does since my jaw line completely cleared of breakouts. On my next order I will stock up on just the kiwi seed vitamins. I am definitely willing to spend $30 for 30 days of vitamins with results like these. I should have taken a before and after photo ! 

https://halobeauty.com/

Tranquility Weighted  Blanket 

I do enjoy the feel of the weighted blanket but I did wake up warm in the middle of the night so I think I will keep it just for when I am watching tv . I also wish I got one a little bigger than the one below , to cover my entire body.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Tranquility-Weighted-Blanket-12lb/849521666?athcpid=849521666&athpgid=athenaItemPage&athcgid=null&athznid=PWVUB&athieid=v0&athstid=CS020&athguid=14409ee8-873-16b619187c9dab&athena=true

Poshmark 

Poshmark is a site where you can sell or buy clothes, shoes and accessories from individual users. I ordered some shoes and pants I was unable to find in the store from poshmark but what I failed to realize is that you can’t return anything ! Unless I am positive of size , I won’t order again . 

https://poshmark.com/

My Stretch Zone Experience: Yes, I Paid Someone To Help Me Stretch.

After a 1000m row I walk into Stretch Zone tired feeling tight. Kenny welcomes me and has me lay on the table.

The tables have straps that keep clients on the table, helping them keep from trying to "help" with the stretch and overcompensating, and allowing pinpointing of specific muscles. Having someone else stretch you helps you relax into the stretch . I was told when I signed up for my free session that a  stretch practitioner can stretch you farther than you are capable of doing yourself. The stretch practitioners  are certified in the technique by attending a 60 hour training with founder Jordan Gold and passing a test.

Kenny pulls a blue belt across my waist and clips it . He lifts my left leg straight to the sky. He then pulls my leg across my body to stretch my IT Band. He stretches in this direction asking me to give him three numbers so he knows when to stop each time:

A 3: When starting to feel the stretch

A 5: When feeling a mild stretch

A 7: When feeling a Deep Stretch

I tell him I’ve had a slight pain in my knee and he tells me the IT band is a tendon that can tighten and pull on the kneecap, causing a mis-alignment. He also mentions that my piriformis is very tight. The piriformis is a small muscle located deep in the buttock, behind the gluteus maximus. When I’ve had massages the therapist has worked on this area by placing their elbow and then pressing their weight down, which is surpassingly painful. The stretch-method is definitely a better alternative for this .

Kenny moves me through a series of stretches , moving my legs in all different directions, having me twist to once side and pressing to deep the stretch and stretching my shoulders back to open up my chest and help reverse too much time in front of a computer . We do stretches using a bolster on the edge of the table to help open up my hips , another spot tight from too much sitting. All I need to do is relax and breathe . The hardest part is trying to not "help".


I get up at the end of the 30 Minutes and my body feels lighter. I feel relaxed yet energized. Packages can be pricey at about $35 a session but some that tried the therapy have been able to get back relief they haven’t been able to get from other methods. Some think it is a placebo.

I think that it does help but there are other alternatives if the price is too steep. Restorative yoga is amazing for opening the hips , helping posture and helping  stretch tight areas. Using a yoga strap I am not able to stretch exactly the same as Kenny stretched me but it really helps loosen me up after a workout or sitting too long. Many personal trainers and massage therapists are knowledgeable about assisted stretching so it is good to ask if they can incorporate into your workout or massage.

This experience definitely taught me more about areas I was holding tightness and was a good reminder that I needed to take more time for stretching. First session at Stretch Zone and many similar companies are free If you are unsure but curious. Whether a desk -jockey or cross-fitter, stretching can help reduce stress, stiffness, and soreness.




Additional Viewpoints on Assisted Stretching : 
https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a19700990/assisted-stretching-worth-it-boutique-fitness-classes/ https://www.prevention.com/health/a20517813/professional-stretching-review/


Source :

https://www.stretchzone.com/

When Cleaning Your Closet Changes Your Life : The KonMari Method

Messy Jessy was my childhood nickname. When friends came over I would throw everything into my closet and quickly shut the door before things tumbled out. These bad habits of being messy followed me into adulthood. I spent a lot of the time looking for things. I blamed messiness on being creative . This was a poor excuse. The truth is that I needed to find a better way.

My mom got me a copy of Marie Kondo’s Book “The Life Changing Art of Tidying Up.” When I finished rolling my eyes, I started reading.

The method of folding has been life changing. I can now open my drawers and see all of my shirts, allowing me take a quick inventory of what I have. Separating into small boxes keeps my drawers and cabinets easy to organize and helps solve the issue of every drawer becoming the “junk drawer.” I thought for a long time more fancy organizers from The Container Store were what I needed. In reality, I needed to look at what I had and decide what was worth keeping.  The problem was not that I wasn’t spending enough time tidying, it was that I was doing it the wrong way.

The author suggests tidying by category instead of room. You gather all items of the category from all rooms and lay them out so you can see what you have . Then you pick up each item - one at a time - and ask yourself “Does this bring me joy?” Going item by item forces us to really consider if that item is useful to us. Items that are not “useful” but truly  bring us happiness when we see them should be kept.

Kondo teaches us sometimes we hold onto things that have outlived their purpose and in turn we can’t appreciate the things that bring true value to our life. We need to thank our items for the value they had at one time and then discard them. A kind gift of a sweater from a friend that we will never wear is still clutter.

Some of Kondo’s ideas was a bit too much for me. The advice I chose not to take:

1. Getting dressed up for the cleaning event. I think I will stick with my sweatpants - but lighting a candle and playing some good music make it more enjoyable.

2. Roll my socks so they don’t feel smushed? I am still not completely finished so I might change my mind on this one.

3. Do all tidying in one go.  I did my best to do one category at a time to completion but I knew if I had to do this all in one “go” I would give up halfway. I am still working my way down the list of categories Kondo provides.  Know yourself and what will work for you.

Once I got over trying to fold perfectly like Marie Kondo , it became easy. I just focused instead of getting each shirt into a rectangle that could be stacked vertically. Being able to see all my clothes at a glance makes putting together an outfit effortless.

I tried to use mostly clear and opaque containers and stack items upright so I could see what I had . Having boxes for each category under the sink allow me to pull out
everything I need when doing my hair , then stick the box right back under the sink. I no longer have  items cluttering every surface. Shoe boxes also work great. Get creative - even a chocolate box will work !

After the book came out Marie Kondo got her Netflix series. I highly recommend watching it if you need some motivation to tidy your things. It also helped me understand the method better than just reading the book.

I travel often and packing is very easy because I know where everything is. I am no longer buying multiples of things because I am too overwhelmed by the thought of going through my many Rubbermaid bins of random items.  I’ve even started to tidy in my office at work with some cute drawer organizer boxes I got from Amazon .  I  am finding that I have more mental clarity knowing what I have and where everything is . Guess it’s time for a new nickname.

Pleasure After Pain : Returning to Rowing Post-Injury

 

 

 

I walk into the boathouse slowly. My body is buzzing with a mix of fear and excitement. It has been about two years since I got into the boat since my injury. The instructor Doug introduces  himself and asks if I have ever rowed before. I hesitate then tell him my story. He said he has also had a neck injury and is confident I can return to rowing again.  

 

We begin with some instruction on the erg [rowing machine]. I strap my feet in and lean forward to grab the handle. I scrunch my body forward , arms straight. I then push back with my legs , lean back and pull with my arms. I push my arms forward before letting my legs come back forward, the seat sliding to the front . 

 

Doug stops me mid-stroke to remind me to keep tension in the hamstrings. He explains that to keep stability in the hips I need to turn my heels slightly towards each other - balls of the feet away - softly on the recovery and aggressively on the drive. He says it looks like I am not pressing as hard on my right foot. When I explained I broke my right foot a few months ago he nods and says that would explain it.  Doug reminds me to sit up straight and  to look straight ahead , not down at my hands.

 

We flip over a boat and carry it  out to the water . Doug shows me how to screw  the oars to into the oar locks to secure them. I hold both oar handles to steady the boat as I get in .I roll my seat forward as I “feather” the blade by flattening it on the water. I scrunch my body forward until I am holding the oar handles  still between my stomach and knees. My left hand is over my right and my grip is loose on the oar. I then “ square” the blades so that they are dipping straight into the water. I look up towards the front of the boat and pull . The long paddles crash into the water, pull the water and boat  forward and then skip flat along the water on the return. The sun  reflects like a million tiny diamonds on the water. My muscles feel warm and I am falling into the rowing rhythm quickly. As John Dryden said ," Sweet is pleasure after pain."

I am moving backwards and have to look over my shoulder after about 5 strokes. I see the dock behind me and square my blade to hold water so I can begin to turn around . I realize I waited too long to turn and am soon backed into the dock pilings. Doug notices me and screams out to feather my left blade and row with the right to get out. After  a few minutes of figuring out the turn , I am out and paddle back to the beach. 

 

Doug tells me another coach offered to go over to over in a boat to rescue me but he told them I would not need any help. Sculling is very different than other types of paddling I have done. With dragon boating or sweep boating there have always been other paddlers in the boat. Now it was only me. Doug showed me I would be just fine on my own. He had faith in me so I did too. The boat was also now going backward but I was getting more comfortable with each  time I launched.  

We next take out a double and Doug sits behind me to further work on stroke mechanics, backing up , and turning. We pull the boat ashore and lift it on our shoulders to carry up to the boat racks. I look at the boat. It is gray and in yellow letters says “ I CAN , I WILL”. I smile.

 

 The journey back into the boat has been long and hard but I have come back with a new appreciation for my time on the water. It is my release , my solace , and where I belong.  In rowing , we face backwards in order to see how far we have come instead of how far we have to go.

One Foot In Front of The Other : Musings From My Time in a Walking Boot

thoughts along my journey healing a seismoid injury after 10 weeks in a walking boot :

26 bones . 1/3 of all the bones in the human body are in the foot/ankle... and these tiny bones along with 33 joints and more than 100 muscles, support the weight of our entire body. I have become a student hungry for knowledge about how the body works and the amazing ways it can heal itself. 

There has been a lot of sitting these past two weeks. When I feel frustrated I remind myself this is temporary. Now is the time to work on my creative projects , to learn to quiet the busy highway of my mind, and to learn to let others help me. I am on the mend and in the meantime I can learn to adjust. After all, broken crayons still color.

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This weekend I got picked up (people offer to drive you around when your foot is broken and you are in a walking boot) to join friends at the bar. I sat sipping my beer watching the country line dancing on the dance floor. I admired the boots moving so swiftly ; legs crossing , feet stomping , and heels scuffing against the floor. 

When an easier song came on I couldn’t resist and joined everyone . It may have not been the smartest decision but it breathed some life back into me to move. My foot felt swollen the next day. 

Sometimes we just need to make a decision and decide to get out there on the dance floor , even if we are unsure if we are ready or not. Life is a line dance .. a few steps forward , a few back , and then a few forward once again. Enjoy the dance.

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“You need to walk more on your foot or you will get weak. “

“You are walking on it too soon, you are going to hurt yourself. “

There are lots of opinions ,which I will listen to ,but at the of the day my healing is on my schedule and up to me. I am taking some *careful * steps. I am listening closely to what my body says and taking directions from there. I will hopefully remember to keep listening to its whispers so next time I don’t need to wait till it screams.

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Phase : Rebuilding

As I took my first walk outside without the boot my first steps were timid. My mom looked at me anxiously “ you can do it !” My right leg felt like jelly. My knee ached. My hip felt out of place. But I put one foot in front of the other till the pain flared up. 5 minutes. But 5 minutes MORE than yesterday. I will measure in progress gained instead of how far I have yet to come. I will turn the pain into power.

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