The Ice Man

As we sat around the dinner table my grandfather explained life as a boy. He would sell newspapers to make extra money and could not afford the five cents to take the bus back home. He would ride his bike in the cold, in the snow, in the rain, in the wind, and in the heat.

He explained how the ice man would come to the family home and sell a piece of ice for five cents . My grandmother chimed in, " We had to buy ice from the ice man too. Every one did. " It seemed like a light bulb went off in her mind as she looked at my cousins and I and said, " Your grandfather and I lived in the same town , at the same time, and our fathers had similar jobs , his father's maybe better than mine; yet he grew up poor and I did not. Or at least I never KNEW I was poor."

The same boiling water that softens potatoes hardens eggs. Your attitude and the attitude of those around you define your life, not your circumstances.

Keep Calm and Golf On

A golf swing is a series of corrected mistakes. - Carol Mann

I wanted to learn to play golf before my company's fundraiser. So I signed up for a " Get Golf Ready" workshop. I approached the clubhouse and met the others who would be in the class with me : several  middle aged women , a middle aged man , and two women in their seventies. The instructor Nicole approached us. She was a tall , slender woman wearing a purple polo and purple plaid capris. She smiled brightly as she introduced herself and spoke with excitement as she explained what was in store for us.

She told us that we must remember our golf game is not "broken" and that the most important thing  is to stop the tendency to immediately brush off errors without a focus on them . We must instead bring awareness to the areas that could be improved.

Everyone took out their golf bags and examined their clubs. Nicole taught us that the longer the shaft of the club, the less the loft , and the longer the distance.

We started with some stretches and knee raises to get our body loose. We then did a full swing warmup. We simulated a full swing but swung all the way through instead of stopping where you hit the ball.

Nicole has us pair up and threw golf balls to each other. Then we closed our eyes and repeated the exercise.  We still were able to throw the ball in the correct spot . Why? Because our focus was not on the ball instead but on the target we wanted it to reach.

We grabbed a 7 iron and stepped up to the stations Nicole had set up .We did a full swing again, this time making connection with a ball. After a few swings Nicole came up to me and asked me to step a little farther back from the tee, loosen my grip on the club, and relax my shoulders. I pulled the club back then swung forward in one fluid motion . The swing finished with the club up by my shoulder , my  back foot pointed forward, and my eyes looking out to where I hit the ball (my target) . Nicole taught us that the most important piece of equipment we could have in golf is our body.


After full swing we moved on to putting and chipping . Chipping is used when the ball has landed in the "rough" and you need the ball to be able to go over the fringe and back onto the green. We did a "flamingo drill" emphasizing the weight on the front left leg as we stood at the fringe and chipped.

After the ball landed on the green we pulled out our putters and did a ladder drill; hitting five balls and attempting to get them into a line. Then we closed our eyes and repeated the ladder drill, trying to determine before open our eyes where the ball landed in relation to the hole.

We finished with a drive in the golf carts out onto the course. We learned about "reading the hole" where a golfer surveys the dips and hills surrounding a hole to determine their strategy.


I took many swings during the workshop. Some I hit, some I missed. Some seemed like great shots but didn't go that far. Regardless of what happened, I had to  play the ball where it landed.  Nicole taught us that by seeing certain areas as opportunities instead of weaknesses that we were one step closer to par.

Be The Change

 Be the change you wish to see in the world.
-Ghandi

I groan as my alarm rings at 8:00 on Sunday morning. I hit snooze and pull my covers tighter to me, curling into a ball. I realize it is the day I am joining my grandparents at "the bridge " . The bridge is an area in Bridgeport , CT where once a month their parish goes and hands out items to the poor. As I get ready in the morning , I realize that each thing I do I take for granted ..the ability to get out of a warm bed , put on clean clothes , eat a nutritious  breakfast , and get into my own car to go where I need to.

 After the cars are loaded we join for prayer. As we approach the bridge there are already people waiting in line . I see a man eagerly look at each of us and his eyes light up at the sight of my grandfather. " Frank , glad to see you !" My grandfather shakes his hand and hands him a pair of underwear. Reusable bags are handed out to each person in line as it begins to grow. Once tables are set up ,the assembly line begins : toiletries ,food ,water ,socks,underwear ,and gloves. A box of pizza is opened and passed along the line.

Items are dropped in each bag as they move quickly past the tables. Gratitude echoes everywhere : " Thank you baby " , "God bless you " , " Thank you so much" . A woman asks my grandmother for two pairs of underwear because she lives in a shelter and can only do laundry once a week.

After all of the items are passed out , the parish gathers again for prayer. This time they are joined by the recipients of today's bags . As most grab hands , names are shouted that need special prayers " For my daughter battling cancer " " For Cindy " . Then "Our Father" is then recited , first in Spanish ,then in English. My grandmother squeezes my hand tightly on "amen" .

We walk back to the car to head home. I wonder where everyone else is going to. We have given them one meal , but where will they get their next ? We have given them soap but will they have a place to shower ? As I return home with my loving family , who will they return to ? If you are wondering why someone doesn't do something about these problems remember one thing : YOU are someone. Be the change.

In The Same Boat

Rowing harder doesn’t help if the boat is headed in the wrong direction.- Kenichi Ohmae

We get into the boat one at a time: I sit in the first seat in the back of the boat; the “one seat”. One and two seat make up the “bow”. Next are the three, four, five, and six seat. The last two seats, seven and eight, make up the “stern”. In the front sits the coxswain, serving as the navigator and coach. We are in a “sweep” boat where every seat alternates, starting with me paddling on the left side or the “starboard” side. Those paddling on the right are the “port” side.  We push off the dock. Out on the water, we begin rowing in pairs.

The coxswain speaks, “Row in one, two, three ..” I push my seat forward as I lift my paddle on top of the water. My hands are resting on the soft green grip at paddle’s end, wrist flat and knuckles up. My arms are straight, forming a wide “V”. My feet are strapped in. I watch the rower in front of me. I mirror her as she pushes her seat back and buries her paddle in the water, pushing it forward. As her shoulder blades pinch to pull the oar back, so do mine. We repeat the motion several times and soon it becomes mindless.

 The other rowers join in in pairs. All eight oars dip into the water at the same time for “one catch”. The paddles skim flat on the return. It sounds like tiny pebbles skipping across the water . We paddle underneath a bridge where a man looks down at us from above.

“Bow seat drop out in two.. one,  two and ON THIS ONE..” I “feather” the blade by flattening it on the water. I scrunch my body forward until I am holding the oar still between my stomach and knees. I look up towards the front of the boat and watch as the long paddles crash into the water, pull the water forward and then skip flat along the water on the return. The sun is signing brightly and reflects like a million tiny diamonds on the river.

When rowing, I rely on myself to keep up the pace but I also rely on the other paddlers to keep the boat steady. Even if I am rowing with all of my strength, if the boat is not kept steady it will tip. I must trust that the person in front of me is staying in rhythm so I can follow them. I may be able to row faster but I must hold back because the speed comes from the rhythm.

The pairs of paddlers drop out till everyone has their oars flat on top of the water ” One and three paddle, eight and six hold water.” Eight and six put their paddle straight into the water. The boat spins then we paddle gently back to the dock. The starboards exit first then the ports. Ports undo the oars and starboards carry them to the grass.

The team stands next to the boat. We receive our first command from the coxswain, “Hands on”.We reach our left hands across to the other side and hold the other side with our right hands.”Waists high”.  We lift the boat to waist high then flip it overhead. We then alternate, each to a different side of the boat and lower it down onto our shoulders and carry it up the ramp toward the boathouse . When there is enough space to swing the boat the call is given, “Clear, bows to the right. “ The team walks it to the boathouse and to places it gently on the racks. “Watch the riggers!”  The starboards then hang the oars as the ports wipe down the boat.

We left the dock as a team and returned as a team. Each crew member carries their share of the weight, a 250 pound boat to be exact, on their shoulders. Our strength comes from our unity.

Running Away

“It’s very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside that wants you to quit.”

-George Sheehan

 “Only a few days until this 5K is over” I tell myself as I lace up my sneakers. I step outside and place my earbuds in my ears. The music begins to play and inspires my feet to launch into a run. My body quickly begins to warm. My heart begins thumping in my chest as I breathe; three in, two out. With each step I pound into the pavement, I feel my stresses start to melt away. The sun is shining brightly, reflecting off tiny pieces of broken glass in the road. The light breeze tickles my skin as I turn down the first road I see. I pass a house and get a whiff of an outdoor barbeque.

The tracker on my phone speaks to me "One mile complete."

I pass another runner and give her a nod. The “runner culture” is separate but equal; all having running in common but all running for our own separate reasons. The reason I lace up my shoes is different than hers.

I lace up my shoes to feel strong.  Just when I want to quit and decide to keep going instead, I feel empowered. The desire to keep running is as strong as the desire to stop. That’s when you know you are getting stronger.  

I try to remember what I read in Danny Dreyer’s Chi Running and engage my core while slightly leaning forward as I run to not stress my body. I try to midfoot strike. But mostly, I just try to make it through the run.

I run down a small hill , weeving around a couple walking. I run down to the water's edge. I see a  boat ripping through the water and two kayakers paddling gently along the water's edge . I turn around sharply and head back up the hill. On my way up I hear " two miles complete".

Cars whizz by me, their wheels spinning rapidy. I realize my legs are my wheels, taking me wherever I want to go. I run through patches of shadows. My legs begin to feel tight but I grit  my teeth to keep going.

Soon I hear " three miles complete" . I slow to a jog then to a walk. My feet hit the pavement slowly now. I wipe the sweat from my forehead and breathe heavy. I feel totally exhausted yet totally exhilarated.

When I get inside I take off my shoes and stretch. I foam roll slowly over my tight muscles. My body is warm and stretches easily.

When things in my life get difficult I know I can run away for a while. For a piece of time, it is just me and the road I’m running on. My running shoes are my ticket to freedom  and no one can take that away from me.