On the Sidelines

I look around me at the dragon boat teams warming up for the race. My boyfriend gets up from the lawn chair besides me and joins the team huddle.

I take photos of the team doing their chant . Then everyone poses for a group photo.  “One on my camera now”, I get handed the camera  . The team walks to the launching point to get into the boat as I walk with the other significant others to the dock.  They paddle slowly around the corner past the dock then out to the race starting point. We watch the boats line up. “Two strokes forward Boat 2.. and hold!  “  . The horn sounds and the boats propel forward. We squint and look for the brightly colored shirts to ensure we are cheering for the correct team. "Let’s go Blazing Paddles!" I scream. I start recording on my phone to catch the finish of the race.

 I’m sure I just looked like a girlfriend who didn’t paddle watching the race,  but I felt like a fraud. I was someone who should be on the water but wasn’t.

The paddlers climb of of the boat slowly , drained of their energy. After they return I kiss Jody . I am proud of him and the smile on his face makes me happy.

Over the course of the day the team members who didn’t know me asked if I had ever paddled. I had to explain that I was on the team previously but injured myself. They would smile and nod. They meant well but it was like the wound was opened a little every time they asked.

At lunch I order light. I feel like I  haven’t earned the heavy meal the paddlers are ordering. They excitedly talk about the race. I flash back to that feeling into the boat during a race; paddles cutting through the water,  feeling the boat propel forward with each stroke, water splashing against your aching arms, and the drummer at the front of the boat screaming out the count.  I had never experienced a high like it with any other sport.

Before we left the race location the team captain, Will , asks when I will be back. I tell him I have a few more months of PT then will work my way back. He says “ It will be great to have you back.”  I smile . It was exactly the words I needed to hear. He adds, “and we will deal with Jody if that means having you back.” And everyone laughs.

Will asks if I can run and I tell him no. He asks if I can bike and I say yes. He says “ Great, start getting your cardio back up.” I feel a sudden relief from the despair. It is  replaced with a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a while, a feeling of hope . Looks like it’s time to get back into the saddle.